44 Ups and Downs

30 November 2016

Ups and Downs

I think there were two reasons for my starting the blog. One was to reassure people that I am doing well. The other reason I think was to reassure myself of the same thing.

In my Blog I am at my best and most positive and that is an important place to know well. There are plenty of times when I am not feeling so good and the Blog guides me back to that better spot.

When I was young my mother always had a list of issues that prevented her from being happy. She was also a great worrier about things that could go wrong but likely never would.

 On one of our weekend trips to visit her family she was upset the whole weekend because she couldn't remember if she had unplugged the electric kettle before leaving home! Observing her has helped me to see the wisdom of living in the present. It's a idea that has been identified many times but it can be hard to do.

I think a blog helps me to find the golden moments in each day and that is a real help when going through difficult times.

44 Idle

29 November 2016

Well, the engine was running today but not very fast!
I did my half hour biking as well as my core conditioning program so at least the exercise went well. I did make a job list and started sorting out the stacks of paperwork that have been piling up.

It did feel like a productive day and my mood was good considering I have been reducing my morphine dose from 2.0 to 1.6 every 4 hours.

Another good sign of progress is that I am still not coughing so hopefully the lungs are recovering.  We should get some feedback from that on this Thursday. I had been looking forward to eating some real food in December and last night I was dreaming about Balderson cheese. It tasted so good in the dream!

43 Kick Start

28 November 2016 

I feel like a bit of a failure today because the  only thing on the calendar was cleaning the Cat's water fountain and I didn't do it.
You may think it extravagant to have such a device for a cat but they like to drink from running water. I suppose in the wild, running water is likely to be cleaner. You are right though, it is extravagant.
I did clean the litter box downstairs as some compensation.





Much of my day seems to be consumed by feeding myself and administering medications. I did manage to do a very easy half hour on the exercise bike downstairs but my energy level was very low.

I find it is too easy just to drift and amuse myself in trivial ways and justify it all by thinking I need rest for recovery.  

I need a plan.

I will do an easy job list and attempt to do one each day. 

I will also go back to a daily exercise program to recover some of my lost fitness. Nothing too strenuous but having a daily routine will give me a sense of progress.

42 Bugged

27 November 2016


Our son Mike was home this weekend and his birthday was Saturday. It wasn't a great weekend for any of us because we all had some kind of stomach bug. Mike was the hardest hit and he vomited several times. He sipped water and ate soda crackers so our feast plans were all abandoned.

I was a bit anxious about myself vomiting in case I vomited up the stomach feeding tube. Luckily I didn't vomit but found that my stomach composed a symphony of gurgling and rumbling sounds in addition to producing vast volumes of gas. I won't say too much about the "gas" but it was the kind that if there was a competition that had to do with a combination of longest, loudest and tonal variation, I would have won easily.

I think Mike had a restful weekend and he had a chance to do some re-bonding with out Cat Blaze.The picture is blaze welcoming Mike home.

Blaze seems to be the only healthy one in the family and now has even trained Cheryl to accept him sleeping on our bed so long as he doesn't actually sleep on her feet.



I didn't accomplish much today but the feeding schedule seems to be working out OK. My energy level was low and when I did my 45 minutes of exercises this morning it seems that I slept the final 30 minutes. I think they call that the essential cool down period. I am seriously determined to get back to my regular program as I have lost a lot of strength over the past two months. The firrst job though is to get my lungs back to being healthy.

41 Feeding Schedule

26 November 2016

It is so complicated working out a schedule for taking my water, liquid food, and medications that it reminds me of when we had 2 infants to keep alive, and hopefully thrive. It isn't easy at our age but one item I don't have to worry about too much is - diapers - yet!
An additional complication is that while we both go to bed at around 9:00 pm, I usually get up at 4:00am and Cheryl at 8:00am.
Even though I am tube feeding while gazing longingly at the delicious meal Cheryl is eating, we do like to eat together so we can talk about the day. So, I think we now have a plan that should work.

We were helped a lot by the CCAC home visiting nurse Kristina. She was the same one that did my dressing changes after the motorcycle accident. We requested her since she is so competent and always warned me before she ripped off the tape and back hair!


OK, reality check here. I am much too flippant about quite a miserable time so it may be appropriate to start cutting back on the pain meds.  I had started a reduction a few days ago but I paused due to the recent problems so I think a small reduction is appropriate.

In truth, I do feel somewhat depressed about the feeding tube even though I know it is an essential step for recovery. When we first went to the hospital at the start of radiation I saw someone with a similar tube and It was a very negative image for me. I know I should be repeating some positive self statements like - "The tube makes sure that only air goes to my lungs so they can recover". But, I don't seem to be able to find the energy to do it. I'll ask Cheryl to do some therapy on that. She is being a big help with the food but now we have that sorted she can perhaps straighten out my mind.

In the last two days two people have said I am looking healthier than last week and that is very encouraging. Also, I have stopped that endless unproductive coughing so this may be the beginning of an improvement for my lungs.

I see my oncologist and the speech pathologist on the 1st of Dec and they will look at how my swallowing ability has recovered on the 6th Dec with an x-ray video of me drinking a barium laced dry martini. I think if I can make it all go to my stomach and none into the lungs then the second one is also on the house! It should be good training for Christmas.

40 New course

25 November 2016

I missed you all yesterday because I was so overwhelmed with the new treatment demands I ran out of time.
.
My test results on Wednesday when we met with the oncologist were not good. My lungs were still in bad shape and the course of 3 different antibiotics suggested that the pneumonia was caused by continued aspiration. For some time I knew that I had difficulty with swallowing, even on a thick liquid diet. I had been quite optimistic before the meeting because there had been a marked improvement in my swallowing for the previous 2 days. But, by that time the damage to the lungs had been done.

The immediate solution was a feeding tube to make sure everything went down the correct tube. The procedure was mildly unpleasant and when the tube exiting my nose is viewed from the side, I am easily mistaken for an elephant! I cut my hair recently so my ears stick out quite a lot which enhances the effect. I have all the equipment so I am quite mobile around the house and the drip feed for water and liquid food is running for about eight hours per day.

I have been finding it difficult to be positive about these new and major restrictions on my mobility and time but I realize that this will break the pattern of reinfection and allow the lungs to recover. Next Thursday I will be seeing the speech specialist  for further tests of my swallowing ability.
So, the "elephant period" may be short lived!

39 Glitch

23 November 2016

Glitch

Pneumonia still present. likely cause, aspiration due to difficulty swallowing.
Solution is tube feeding. Very complex and not pretty.

I had started to reduce the pain meds but that will have to wait.  Most of my time will be spent on getting food & water to the right places.

38 Real Food?

22 November 2016


Real Food? 

My mood is a little better today so, I think a reduction every 3 days in pain medication should work well, I  am getting very discouraged with the liquid diet of "Resource". I tried some mashed potatoes and gravy with broccoli at dinner but the gravy seemed very spicy so I couldn't eat much. I think my taste has changed either due to the treatment or long absence from real food. I will check out the jars of baby food at the grocery tomorrow to see if anything seems appealing. To swallow easily it will have to be something "mushy!"

One good thing about spaghetti is that if you get it started going down the right tube, the rest follows. For Christmas dinner I should be fine with the "Vegetable Turkey dinner" . For a fast food treat there is always the "Big Mac and Fries dinner"!

Tomorrow we head to Ottawa to see the radiation oncologist to explore the persistent pneumonia. It is really limiting me at the moment and I have recovered well from the effects of the radiation.

37 Pain Control

21 November 016


I had been on 2ml of hydromorphone since 12 October for pain management.. I had very rarely needed 3ml  but 2 seemed enough  and I never increased that basic dose. Now it's time to quit. On 1.8 it seems horrible. I ache all over and feel depressed.

I'm trying to reduce by 10% every 3 days but I think I would like to go quicker if this is how it feels. I kept busy today by slowly putting the snow tires on my car and that helped a bit. Now I'll try to find a video that will cheer me up. But what I want to do is just curl up under the sheets and let the clock whirl around.

My temperature is stable and I an swallowing easier but I can't think of any inspiring messages tonight. Perhaps tomorrow's sunrise will bring new insight!

36 Snow

20 November 2016

It will be a quiet day for us which fits perfectly with the blazing fire and the wet snowflakes drifting down a few feet away. Yesterday Cheryl was out on the tractor blowing leaves and clearing the deep piles from the grass while I was confined to the house with instructions to rest!



I am still coughing a lot but throat must be improving because I can swallow easier. The last few days my temperature has shot up close to 40 C but not today. That will be a mystery for the Radiation Oncologist in Ottawa on Wednesday.

We are not ready for real snow yet but Cheryl went to the village to get gas for the snow blower just in case we get the forecast two feet!

35 Strange Events

19 Nov 2016

I had a humble day and everything Cheryl told me to do, I did.  She loves it when she is right and I am wrong. I sometimes think it's actually worth making deliberate errors so she has more opportunities to correct me. I woke at 4:00am and started on my email list but I felt sleepy and asked myself "what would Cheryl do?"
 So, I went back to bed and slept from 5:00 to 6:30.  She was happy to hear my news when she woke. My BP and temperature were all normal so I was looking forward ta a relaxing day with nothing on the agenda for either of us.

  It is a rare luxury to have a zero to-do list especially when at home. Even now I am retired there is always lots that needs fixing. and when we go South to Florida is the only time I normally experience the zero agenda.

So, it came as a surprise when late morning my temperature started to rise and by lunch time it was getting close to 40deg. I had bouts of freezing cold and mostly pouring sweat and the pattern was identical to yesterday which everyone (except me) blamed on my over exertion while working in the garage. My temperature peaked at 2:30pm and then started to drop steadily and by 7:00pm it was down to 37.
Since this was the third day the same pattern had occurred it seemed most likely that it was a reaction to one of the new antibiotics that I had just started. We had thought of heading to the hospital emergency but decided to wait and and see and by evening I was fine.
 

I should mention at this point that I felt a certain amount of satisfaction that my tire changing exertion yesterday was clearly not the cause of the temperature rise. I didn't make much mention of it but I think it frees me up to go for a bike ride tomorrow. I might change those plans though if the forecast snow storm appears.


I have taken my last dose of one of the new medications so tomorrow will be an interesting test of the medication reaction explanation for the temperature rise.

34 Wheely Bad

 18 November 2016

 Tiyerd

It was another good night's sleep for all three of us. So, I felt well rested in the morning and was getting a little bored (first danger sign). After breakfast I toured the garage which is officially my space in the house and reviewed all the remaining jobs that are left. My eye was caught by a very tall stack of wheels fitted with Winter tires for our 2 cars and I remembered seeing that 10-15 cm of snow was forecast for later this week. Since Cheryl is doing most of the driving I realized that it was time to change her wheels. I was mostly operating in my normal engineer mode and proceeded to put her car in the garage and changed two of the wheels. There was a teeny non-engineer part of me that was screaming "Slow Down", "Stop", "Get help"! Eventually I realized that I was doing what most people would classify as overdoing it. When Cheryl discovered the crime scene she said "wait till Bill gets here and he can help you finish".

I don't think that was her first thought but she is being really kind. So later, with Bill's help for the strong arm bits we finished the job. It was a good lesson for me that my judgment isn't always good so in future I will ask Cheryl to approve my plans for the day. Now I wonder how I will remember to do that.

I had an hour nap before lunch but in the afternoon I wasn't feeling well and had a temperature of 38.5 C. I think that the raised temperature was a warning sign that I was doing too much so I am resting the rest of the day and will bed down early.

33 A new start

17 November 2016


I started today with renewed optimism. Yesterday our local hospital in Cornwall were great at getting me on track with a quick CT scan and new medications. I also had one of those unexpected waiting room experiences. When I arrived for my scan I went to sit down and the receptionist said "no, go right in"! After that though we waited several hours to get the results.

I had a good sleep last night with Blaze close by. He doesn't seem to be bothered by my frequent coughing spells, also he warms my clothes ready for the morning. The coughing bothers Cheryl a lot and she finds it hard to get back to sleep so she slept downstairs last night with her phone on and the ringer turned up loud, in case I needed help.

Everyone says I should rest with pneumonia combined with radiation recovery. I have resisted this advice but seriously, could they all be wrong? Some of them are medical specialists so they should know about this.  So,. I am trying an experiment and following advice for a few days. No more outside bike rides, no more leaf raking. I'm staying inside and minimizing effort in all tasks. I will also re-read the book "The Art of Doing Nothing". Today was day one and I feel quite good even without my afternoon nap. That ghastly burnt skin has finally fallen off and my fresh new pink skin makes me look years younger! I should know in about 5 days if the new medications are coping with the pneumonia. I also managed to get pictures of the two missing radiation team members. Here they are:

Chloe   Geoff  &  Joe

32 Pneumonia

Today was busy from 9 till 2:30. We were at the hospital. I felt a little better than yesterday and my temperature was normal. I got the CT scan which showed Pneumonia in both lungs. So 2 more abtibiotics were the right path. When i got home Itried to start my bolg but the words came out eal strage and my brain was half asleep. Like, how doi you pronounvce this one -

 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq

Somthing told me I needed sleep so iquit and leev youwih ssome pictres

Fresh new pink skin

To help me breathe

31 Empty

15 November 2016

I slept 12 hours last night and my temperature went up to 39. I had zero energy this morning so after lunch we spent the afternoon in emergency in Cornwall. There seems to be a continuing problem with my lungs and the specialist thinks it's either an infection or a reaction to the radiation. I will get a CT Scan in Cornwall tomorrow to help with the diagnosis.

 It was such a relief to get home tonight.. Two more medications to keep track of and I think I will ask Cheryl to take cars of those. Sleep well my friends.

30 Running on empty

14 November 2016

I was up at my usual early hour but just couldn't keep my eyes open so I went back to bed.

The post-steroid crash is likely the cause and I quickly gave up any modest activity goals I had thought of for today. Just going downstairs seemed a major effort and even reading seemed too much.

I was also running a slight temperature so Cheryl phoned the hospital in Ottawa for advice. They were keen on doing some investigation but the initial plan was to closely monitor my temperature.

So, that's it. No energy. I survived with several naps and now it's 6 o'clock. I'm off to bed!

:)

29 Machines and Life

13 November 2016

This was another low energy day but I did walk almost a kilometer at a slow pace. It was so good to get out in the sunshine and fresh air after being inside so much. I am somewhat relieved that the absence of steroids has only resulted in my throat being mildly sore and some increase in the coughing. At least I can still swallow thick fluids, and now without the steroids I realize how fragile my throat actually is.

Today was a sad memorial event for my deceased motorcycle. I wrote a long goodbye and a description of the death and published it on the Honda CBR500 Forum. I will be moving on to a different forum for the new machine so it meant saying goodbye to friends all over the world who I have interacted with over the past 3 years. One good part was stressing to the younger riders how important it is to wear all the good protective gear even on hot days to prevent serious injury.

One of my favourite movies is "As Good As It Gets"  and I think being able to accept whatever situation you find yourself in without judgment is a recipe for happiness. There are however some rare times after an illness when each day could be better and better.  I feel I might be close to one of those turning points and even if it isn't true it's a good idea to think that way. Just seeing that fresh new pink skin appearing under the burnt outer layer of my neck is a message of hope.

28 Inspiration

12 November 2016

After my near death "egg & toast" episode yesterday (because of the Cheryl's concern about disobeying medical advice) I decided to be a good boy today. Liquid diet, no strenuous activities and lots of rest. I find my appetite is surging back now the radiation has finished but the next few days without the help of steroids may be uncomfortable. Within a week I should be able to taper off the pain medication and see some steady progress.

My big outing today was a walk completely around our land. I had planned on several laps but one was enough. The walk was quite tiring because at times I was struggling through knee deep expanses of leaves that had been blown by the recent high winds. We have lots of trees and by this time of year I have usually collected and disposed of all the leaves.

For me it has been a big internal struggle just to let go of all the normal home tasks that need to be done. I keep telling myself that the leaves are quite happy where they are and don't need anything. It is just me that has this need to get everything tidy. However, some tasks are essential and here is one image that gives me great inspiration and energy to do at least the basic Winterizing jobs.

It is a picture of Cheryl's mother, Rose, proudly displaying the leaves she had collected for pick up by the city. She was aged 83 in the picture and in the following years she switched to collecting the leaves at night because the neighbors didn't think she should be doing such strenuous activity at her age. She continued her leaf collecting for 3 more years until she died suddenly in the Fall. Of course the leaves, as usual, had been collected!


I just hope that if I am lucky enough to live even close to her age that I will have some of her strength of mind and body. She was a wonderful Mother-in-law who coped so well with the hardships in her life.

After my leaf wading safari I had an hour nap while Cheryl prepared her dinner. I only had to drink my glass of goop at dinner so I was much more talkative (in whispers).  It could be the morphine though but it does seem odd for me to talk while Cheryl listens! After some great conversation we had another early night.

27 Battle of the egg

11 November 2016

I had another good sleep last night but was up at 4 to sip my liquid breakfast and crushed pills. It was cool outside but I decided to get back to my minimal exercise routine. So after wrapping up well I went out on the bike for an easy paced 8km. Then I did some core exercises and I made a start on the shoulder exercises I have to repair the accident injury.
  

My neck is showing some evidence of the accumulated radiation but I do have a nice tan. Luckily we have all the right medications to prevent infection and promote healing. Close your eyes if you are a bit squeamish! I suspect that there will eventually be some nice new pink skin there and I will have the neck of a 30 year old!


 The major task scheduled for the morning though was helping Cheryl dye her hair. It may come as a shock to some of you that she is not a natural redhead. My task is to spread the dye on the back of her head. When that was completed I rested till just after lunch when we went to Town for some shopping. Actually I just rested in the car and completed memorizing the instruction manual for my new motorcycle while Cheryl did all the rushing around she loves so much. We make a great team!

At dinner time I was craving real food but the nutritionist had insisted on liquid food only for the next two weeks. So, I told Cheryl I was going to have an egg and toast, and she said I wasn't. I told her that I had thought of a method that might work and that she should withhold judgment. So, I made the egg and some toast drenched in butter. After taking a small bite of each I proceeded to chew for about ten minutes and then opened my mouth to show her the magic change. The raw food had been totally transformed into a creamy beige paste with an even texture and no lumps. So I swallowed it and collapsed on the floor in a fit of choking! No, just kidding. Of course it went down so easily and she had to concede that it was OK!  Since I am now off the steroids my throat may become more swollen but I couldn't miss the last chance for a while at something tasty!

26 Cat Day #2

10 November 2016

The steroids are finished so the next few days might be a challenge. They are amazing drugs and it's a shame there isn't a way of using them without suppressing the body's natural production.

I decided to follow my friend Sally's advice to rest just like our cat would do. So, today's busy agenda was changing one light bulb socket and downloading some of Cheryl's photos from her phone. The rest of the time I was seated comfortably in my study in front of the big screen. That will be enough of an energy drain to require my mid-day nap!

I have been more hungry today and this morning  Cheryl made me a delicious smoothie with kiwi, banana, milk, ice-cream and orange juice. It was so nice to have real food and the gooeyness meant it was easy to swallow. Just before 5 the sunset started to look brilliant and Blaze wanted to go out so all three of us made the long trek to the water. It was worth the view but we didn't stay long because of the strong cold wind.

Early to bed tonight. I sleep well and feel almost normal in the morning when Blaze wakes me by demanding affection. He can be quite persistent and his behaviour is similar to this cat video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jrq03XENSdY

25 Downhill

9 November 2016

Fatigue

I always feel best in the morning and despite the cool North wind I biked 10km in the Parkway. Then I drove into town to get more drug supplies and cat food and then a lunch with my friend Brian. I brought a box of my plastic food supplement with me to Harvey's but the other part of the meal was a delicious  milk-shake!  By the time I arrived home I was totally exhausted and went straight to bed. The hospital were correct about the neck being worse after treatment and it is becoming quite swollen and turning a funny shade of yellow!

Over the next week I clearly have to limit my activity level. The main task is a mammoth reading and memory exercise since I obtained the handbook for my new motor cycle. It would make excellent bedtime reading for most people and would produce instant sleep. But for me it is like a thrilling spy novel.

Tomorrow is my last dose of steroids so I think I might be on this liquid diet for a few more days. It's only 8 o'clock right now but I'm off to bed. o, sweet dreams!

24 Freedom

8 November 2016

Today felt like the start of a long holiday. I woke at my usual 3:30am an did some emails but felt sleepy so I went back to bed for 2 more hours because - No More Appointments!

The nutritionist wants me to stay on the boring liquid diet for at least another 2 weeks. Breakfast wasn't  very exciting so I decided to visit Tom (my motorcycle dealer) to have a long chat about options on my new motorcycle. We have been friends for many years and it was a quiet morning at the store so we talked about our favorite subject.

I then went to the pharmacy and grocery store and while in the parking lot I drank my liquid lunch. Since I was feeling sleepy I reclined the car seat and with the warmth of the sun I immediately fell asleep and I had the most amazing daydream. It was one of those dreams that seemed vividly real. I was suddenly back at the motorcycle store and it was Spring and Tom & I were walking out the door into the brilliant sunshine and he handed me the keys to the new machine. With great joy I roared off into the distance after months of deprivation. The power of the new bike seemed infinite like in those super hero movies and incredible speed was only a thought away. I woke suddenly to a car alarm blasting close by. It was a short dream but a pleasant taste of things to come.

 At dinner I sipped another box of my liquid dinner that came from the fridge while watching Cheryl eat a delicious Thai Peanut Chicken stir fry. Or, at least I think that's what happened. The problem with pain narcotics is the confusion of fantasy and reality and the boundaries get blurred. Perhaps I really did go on that exciting motorcycle ride. Not likely since Cheryl would never have approved such a wild idea. I will have to stay on the pain medication for at least another week or two until the neck starts to heal.

23 The End of the Begining

7 November 2017

 Today was my last radiation session. It was a busy day with a meeting first with the nutritionist. Then some health checks by the nurse which showed I was a little dehydrated and then on to the
radiation session.

 The radiation team had been so positive and helpful over the six weeks that it felt  like saying goodbye to a bunch of friends. Here are pictures of more of the team although I am still missing two of the staff.


Following the radiation session we met with Dr. Colin Brown who has been the senior resident I have met with several times. He has helped me enormously in dealing with some of the difficult side effects of the radiation. He has excellent listening and communication skills along with his great clinical expertise. He left me feeling fully informed, relaxed and very confident I was in good hands.

Another difficult stage lies ahead so the partying will have to wait a while. It takes a week or two for the body to react to the cumulative damage so the neck will get worse before it gets better. I am well equipped with all the right medications and now the stress of constant trips each day to Ottawa will be removed. So. with the help of Nurse Cheryl and Nurse Blaze I will be taking it very easy. I plan to keep up at least a minimal amount of moderate exercise because I am sure an active body heals more quickly.

In about one month, I will have a series of follow up appointments, although the team can be consulted at any time if I run into problems. There will be further tests and scans of different types and further surgery may be needed. So, it really is more like a war than a battle. I do think that my health in 2017 will be a lot better than 2016. But the big news for 2017 is that new motorcycle waiting for me in the Spring!

22 Bike and Bacon

6 November 2016

An extra hour of sleep today with the clock change was a nice start to the day. It was a cool but sunny morning so Mike & I both headed out on our bikes as soon as the chill was off the air. We usually enjoy rides together but I sadly and wisely decided to take baby steps. Mike went West to Upper Canada Village through the parkway which is a ride of 45km. I battled the biting North wind and after a prolonged effort I made the 3 km to Long Sault. After sitting for a while I decided that since the return wind was favourable I wouldn't call a cab so I started off home. I was totally spent by the end but so happy to be outside riding again.













We were both home by 11:30 so we headed over to the Wateview restaurant for brunch. With some anxiety about managing the solid food I ordered my usual bacon, eggs and toast breakfast. I was overjoyed to be able to eat real food by chewing thoroughly. At the start I gave all my bacon to Mike but then I couldn't resist and retrieved one beautiful slice. I hadn't had bacon for so long and the pleasure almost brought tears to my eyes.

Well that's the story of the "Bikes & Bacon" and for the rest of the afternoon we relaxed. Sitting out on the deck in the Sun was a real treat since it was sheltered from the North wind and that cool arctic air was so fresh that it banished any thoughts of an afternoon nap.

Cheryl returned from London exhausted at 7 pm from a weekend with her sisters on the same train that Mike left on for Montreal after his babysitting job!

21 Cat Day

5 November 2016

Usually the weekend is a high energy time for doing all those fun things but I felt totally exhausted and Mike had a very busy week at work so a restful time was what we both needed. Our very wise cat, Blaze tried hard to communicate the wisdom of this by napping continuously in front of us until we got the message.

We had a walk around our garden trails and then I was so tired I went to bed and had a perfect nap. It was one of those naps when you wake refreshed with a clear mind. Still not much energy though so we will let Blaze guide us for the rest of the day!

For dinner Mike picked up a take out order o the chicken souvlaki from our local Waterview restaurant. It is one of my favourite meals and the garlic aroma in the car driving home was diving me wild with desire. So, when we arrived home, I splurged and made myself a poached egg and a whole piece of lightly toasted bread drenched with butter. By chewing thoroughly I was able to eat and imagine it was garlic chicken with Greek potatoes and their special, throat burning, salad dressing!

Then early to bed.

20 Space, Time and Wonderful People, what a gift!

4 November 2016

I have grown to really like the radiation staff so I took a picture after the treatment today. I will have to do another on Monday to get the other staff. Elianne in the centre is the senior technician and she said she always blinks in photos, but not in this one!

Today I got a ride to the hospital with Bill and on the way home we stopped off at his house to pick up a quiche that his wife had made for me. She made it extra creamy so it would slide easily down my swollen throat. Thanks Karen and Bill.

I haven't had many congratulations about my new motorcycle purchase but I should explain that for me it's a huge incentive to get well again. As a 16 year old, for me a motorcycle was my passport to freedom since I lived in the country. Riding 2 wheels with or without engines has always given me great joy despite some risk. I often tell people that riding a motorcycle isn't dangerous but falling off is. Like many adventurous things in life it's mainly a question of acquiring the best possible skill.

Cheryl actually sees the wisdom of embracing life rather than avoiding risk and cringing in fear of death. I may have helped her along with this recently by reminding her of some of Carl Sagan's ideas. For the first 15 billion years the universe existed I was dead, and soon I'll be dead for unknown billions of years until the end of time, so I'm not going to waste one moment of this brief flash of time that we are privileged to experience. It's just basically seeing the big picture and if you want to read more about this I would highly recommend the book "Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors"  by Carl Sagan.

 My son Mike is home for the weekend taking care of me while Cheryl is in London with her four sisters. Her youngest sister Della is having her first art gallery show. The title of the show is "My Mental Illness is Driving me Crazy"! So it's going to be a guys weekend but no beer drinking for me. That will have to wait till Christmas!

19 The Sound of Silence

3 November 2016

There are probably jokes about two psychologists taking a road trip and never leaving the parking lot because they couldn't stop talking. That didn't happen on my ride to Ottawa today with my friend and past colleague Dr, Sally. The main reason was my lack of voice so my replies were short and whispered!  The nice thing about being friends though is that you don't have to talk all the time and just being together is pleasant.

Only 2 more sessions to go and that is quite a feeling of relief. Six weeks ago it seemed overwhelming. I do want to thank all of you for your friendship and support. Special thanks to those who were able to ease the burden of driving. Even our cat Blaze did his part. This picture was taken by Cheryl today. It's Blaze keeping my slippers warm!

18 Ride into the sunset

2 November2016

We met the oncologist today and he was quite encouraging about quick recovery from the radiation because I was not getting chemotherapy. It's not actual recovery though but a good temporary fix to keep me going so I can enjoy my new bike next year. I'm still on a liquid diet and the lung infection will be reviewed next Monday when I have my last radiation visit. The steroids should be helping the throat swelling so tomorrow I might be able to enjoy the luxury of mashed potatoes and gravy or even some heavenly scrambled eggs!

OK, back to bike.

This afternoon I headed to the dealership and put a lay away downpayment on a one year old demonstrator bike that the owner had been riding. It only has 4,000km and was the red  colour I wanted. I  now have a very special reason to get in good shape for the Spring. It is a Sport-Touring bike with a comfortable upright riding position but faster than my previous one. It's a Yamaha FJ-09. YouTube bike video fans see (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdnLnCxGEtw)