96 Kilometre Stone

Kilometre Stone

Well, I made it to the grand age of 70 on the 28th. of August.  I finally feel like I have grown old and that brings a certain satisfaction. My Mother in her eighties often said while complaining about her aches and pains, "don't ever grow old." My regular reply to her was "It's better than the alternative!" She was never able to figure out that the alternative of being alive with a few aches and pains was better than an early death!


On the 23rd August I was at the Ottawa hospital checking in for another radiation course. This will just be for two weeks and it should kill off some of those peripheral  lymph nodes that have recently been causing some pain. As you might imagine I have some negative feelings about further radiation and I did get a second opinion from my surgeon about the advisability of the proposed treatment. He reassured me that the dose will be small and it's goal is to improve quality of life. It won't address the main course of the cancer which is surrounding carotid arteries on both sides of my neck. My decision to proceed with the radiation was because I have not been feeling well enough over the past 2 weeks to ride my bike or motorcycle. Luckily I have vast numbers of downloaded movies from our 2 kids to entertain me until I get some improvement.



My birthday on the 28th was celebrated by visits from my nurse and my dietician. Cheryl found some excellent white wine to go with some smoked salmon as a special treat. I was able to chew and appreciate the salmon but no swallowing was possible.
The next day I started my 2 weeks of daily radiation sessions in Ottawa so my 70's will begin with a heavy medical involvement but when that's finished I will start enjoying our fabulous Fall colours.

Cheryl had one of the best ideas for my 70th birthday - no party but inviting my friends, acquaintances and relatives to share some of their positive memories of their past contact with me by email.
I should explain that introverts like me are easily overwhelmed by large groups of people and I much prefer small groups or better yet, one-on-one interaction.
These emails have been flooding in and I have been quite surprised at some of the wonderful lost memories that I have retrieved. I also feel bathed in love and affection by descriptions of the huge number of happy, meaningful and productive interactions that I have experienced with those wonderful people over my 70 years. There were some negative memories but only the very best of my friends will laugh with me about those!

So, a big thank you to everyone who responded. You have made this a very Happy Birthday!
 

95 Interesting Times

"May you live in interesting times" is not usually meant as a blessing but may have it's origin in a Chinese curse.

Actually I am finding this a most interesting time and I am learning all sorts of things about this journey. In one sense we (our age group) are all in the same stage of life and I just happen to be lucky enough to have more detailed info about my future than the rest of you in the 70 plus age range. It is quite possible that I will be attending one of my friends funerals before I attend my own! Especially the way some of them drive! One important thing I have learned is that I am not my pain.  My pain is well managed most of the time. My days have some discomfort but also have joy and delight. It's true that I have had to give up some activities but I have found others to substitute. One example is my blog which is very satisfying and it is the first time I have ever done any creative writing . It's about myself and for someone as historically private as me it's a whole new adventure that yields great satisfaction.


My feeding problems have also forced me to reduce my recreational exercise and live on fewer calories. Cycling is one activity I didn't want to give up so I have converted my mountain bike to electric assist. I can now go for long rides with minimal exertion. Of course I have one of the most powerful electric motors installed so I am able to overtake those young lycra-clad racers like they are standing still. That's only on power level number 2. I wonder what power level 5 will be like!


In my recent visit to my medical specialists it seems like the cancer is progressing quite rapidly and my life expectancy is estimated at a few months with one or two years at the very most.  This is useful information since I tend to work at a relaxed pace and leave things to the last minute. There are a few projects I want to finish so I had better get to work. Well, perhaps not today. The weather is perfect and I will invite Cheryl to go for a bike ride this afternoon! Save the other stuff for the rainy days!

So, bottom line is you can be happy for me because I am coping well enough with issues that can be hard. People often say "I have lived a good life." I  think that's true for me but I would add that "I am living a good life." As a psychologist I have always had to be comfortable with the harsher realities of life that others might hide from with delusion or denial. I can summarize my attitude with --- "Don't Worry, be Happy"or one of my favourite sayings "worry is optional."

Have a good day 💕