The blog number 69 is interesting in several ways. I'm not going to talk about the one you want. Just Google it with the explicit filter turned off 😉
69 happens to be my current age but if you switch the numbers around then 96 is close to the age my Mother died. She never made plans for the future so she had no direction to help her make decisions. As a result she felt victimized by the harsh realities of her final years. I think it was Bette Davis that said "Old age ain't no place for sissies". As a result I have tried to be better prepared for the future.
During my life I have found that shock and dismay is experienced when our world view is delusional. Not delusional in a clinical sense but just not quite consistent with reality. We all know from an early age that we are going to die but the words often have no impact until serious illness strikes. We don't even have the courage to say dead! Instead we talk about "passed away" as though the person were just out of reach in some unknown location.
My science education, combined with my high curiosity, has also influenced me to be in touch with reality and I have delved into
uncomfortable topics, including death, along with the fun stuff. The Eastern mystics are well
ahead of our Western culture in that respect and a good source of information*.
The bottom line is that by accepting death I can get used to the idea that my
life will end. The result is that I can comfortably remain a fascinated
observer of my end stages of life as I have with all the other stages. I think my
incomplete attempt at writing an autobiography has helped me gain this
perspective of time. It was difficult to write much about the future but I did
an outline of the most likely possibilities. Death is in there as a certainty
but I am a bit fuzzy about the actual date!
I just received an email from a loved cousin-in-law who just experienced a severe allergic reaction that required emergency hospitalization. I plan to talk to her about the benefits of such near death experiences once the trauma is past.
I hope that by reading this you will realize that this period of my life is difficult and frequently painful but I am well equipped to cope and I have a wonderful family and friends like yourself that strengthen me. Most of you ask what more can you do and my reply is that you are doing a huge amount just by being my friend and communicating as you have already done. If there is anything specific I need then I will surely ask. Meanwhile I urge you to go on enjoying life to the full just as I am doing.
Geoff XO
* Two books I recommend are:-
"Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-ZIn
"The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche
p.s. I will only be doing a blog every few days so if you want to keep in touch, just check weekly.
Geoff, I read your blog from time to time. I say this because John's mom who is 91, has dementia that is progressing rapidly . This necessitated a hospital admission which she protested but gave us no choice for her safety. I have had several conversations with her about her end of life. I am getting to know her better through the filter of her delusions . I'm finding that it is more difficult for her to find peace because of her mental anguish. I am grateful for your frank conversation about dying. I send you all my love and respect. With care, Carole
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